3 Ways To Break Your New Year's Resolutions
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Freelance writer and poet from London; if you would like to read my poetry, please check out my book, 'Poems on the Page', available from goo.gl/Ta4oAX.
Published January 18th 2013
Eat, Drink, and be Merry
We're well into January now, and it is time for a check up of all those New Year Resolutions you made. By now, you've either put yourself full heartedly into achieving your goals, or like most of us, let them fall by the waste side. If you're in the latter category - or are steering in that direction - here are some ideas to help you break your vows and get back to old habits.
1. Eat Yourself Sick
You are what you eat, so you might as well eat what you like (there's no point becoming something you hate). There are plenty of places around London where you can pile back up the pounds you've been dieting off since Christmas. At the American-themed Red Dog Saloon, the 'Devastator' burger is waiting for you. At £18.95, this 3300 calorie burger consists of one and half pounds of beef, two hundred grams of pork, six rashers of bacon, and six slices of cheese. For a bigger challenge go to Croydon and tackle 'The Beast', Europe's largest burger with a whopping 15000 calories. If burgers aren't your thing, then head over to Ray's Pizza home of the 26" pizza. You can finish it all off with a big portion of ice cream at Oddono's in South Kensington. The Italian gelati shop have over a hundred and thirty varieties, from traditional vanilla to a more experimental basil flavour.
2. Get Hammered
Many of us will have made a resolution to quit drinking in the New Year, but when half the presents under the Christmas tree were probably in the shape of a bottle, it seems like pretty much a lost cause. No point in putting off the inevitable, so if you feel like going for a piss up in a brewery, there is no shortage of venues in London.
If you are still a bit wary of breaking your vows, then why not make the perfect excuse by saying you are fulfilling your other resolution to learn something new? Take a mixology masterclass for £70 and learn how to make your own delicious cocktails. Or perhaps you prefer a good liquor, in which case, the Vinopolis is holding £50 classes, where you will discover the process involved in making five different single malt Scottish whiskies.
For all you Homer Simpsons out there, no better day out will you have than with a tour of London Fields Brewery. Starting at £10, the tours will take you from the milling and mashing of hops to a taste of the final product.
3. Live a Life of Sin
Saints have no fun. Better to enjoy life in sin than be bored in heaven, and there are plenty of nasty habits to help you on your way. Take up smoking at the Ambience Restaurant in Wimbledon. Ordinary cigarettes might be banned in public places, but there's no stopping you smoking a Shisha. They have numerous unusual flavours to choose from, such as Skittles, gummy bears, and kiwi lemonade.
Gambling is never a good idea, especially in this economic climate, which makes poker playing the perfect vice. The London Poker Meetup has venues all over London, and you can start betting from as little as £5.
Looking to boost your libido? At the Women's Erotic Emporium you can take part in some 'educational' classes. Learn the secrets of spanking, how to have better orgasms, and how to give the perfect blow job.
1. Eat Yourself Sick
You are what you eat, so you might as well eat what you like (there's no point becoming something you hate). There are plenty of places around London where you can pile back up the pounds you've been dieting off since Christmas. At the American-themed Red Dog Saloon, the 'Devastator' burger is waiting for you. At £18.95, this 3300 calorie burger consists of one and half pounds of beef, two hundred grams of pork, six rashers of bacon, and six slices of cheese. For a bigger challenge go to Croydon and tackle 'The Beast', Europe's largest burger with a whopping 15000 calories. If burgers aren't your thing, then head over to Ray's Pizza home of the 26" pizza. You can finish it all off with a big portion of ice cream at Oddono's in South Kensington. The Italian gelati shop have over a hundred and thirty varieties, from traditional vanilla to a more experimental basil flavour.
Many of us will have made a resolution to quit drinking in the New Year, but when half the presents under the Christmas tree were probably in the shape of a bottle, it seems like pretty much a lost cause. No point in putting off the inevitable, so if you feel like going for a piss up in a brewery, there is no shortage of venues in London.
If you are still a bit wary of breaking your vows, then why not make the perfect excuse by saying you are fulfilling your other resolution to learn something new? Take a mixology masterclass for £70 and learn how to make your own delicious cocktails. Or perhaps you prefer a good liquor, in which case, the Vinopolis is holding £50 classes, where you will discover the process involved in making five different single malt Scottish whiskies.
3. Live a Life of Sin
Saints have no fun. Better to enjoy life in sin than be bored in heaven, and there are plenty of nasty habits to help you on your way. Take up smoking at the Ambience Restaurant in Wimbledon. Ordinary cigarettes might be banned in public places, but there's no stopping you smoking a Shisha. They have numerous unusual flavours to choose from, such as Skittles, gummy bears, and kiwi lemonade.
Gambling is never a good idea, especially in this economic climate, which makes poker playing the perfect vice. The London Poker Meetup has venues all over London, and you can start betting from as little as £5.
Looking to boost your libido? At the Women's Erotic Emporium you can take part in some 'educational' classes. Learn the secrets of spanking, how to have better orgasms, and how to give the perfect blow job.
Why? Resolutions are no fun
When: Anytime
Where: London
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