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Tuckers Exotic Meats

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by Connor Tomelty (subscribe)
English Literature student at Kingston University and general layabout
Published August 4th 2013
To please the little game hunter in all of us
Whatever happened to us men, eh? Once upon a time we were fearsome warriors that sought for glory in wrestling with the greatest beasts the planet had to offer. From hunting whales with harpoons, to killing lions with a needle, we were unstoppable. Yet look at us now. From seeking to slay the most terrifying creatures in nature, the most dangerous thing that modern man has to battle with is tooth decay.

What would our ancestors think if they looked upon us now, and saw how our women mocked us for the yearly global epidemic of 'man flu', which we insist is real despite what we know deep down in our fragile little hearts? What would they say when they see how many of us are now so scared of coming into contact with animals that we can't even look at them on our plates without wetting ourselves, hiding behind an obviously transparent excuse of 'vegetarianism'? I think I am suitably qualified to answer that question: Our forefathers would say Mother Nature has bent us men over a metaphorical barrel full of Oestrogen and made us her bitch.

What can we do? I can hear you all cry, and the answer is simple. Fight back against nature, earn back the right to have those two insignificant pebbles you call testicles swinging between your legs and eat some animals. And I don't mean a cow or a chicken, the 'special kids' at the school of Nature, I mean eat those beasts that still roam free in the wildest places of the world. Eat a Wildebeest, or a Crocodile, coincidentally two of the many real animals you can sink your fangs into at Tucker's Exotic meats, a Kingston based burger stall that specialises in providing men with the meats they need to help them climb out of their metrosexual prison.

The selection of meats at Tucker's is truly astounding, and it includes animals such as Springbok, Buffalo, Ostrich, Wild Boar, and many others. All of the burgers, or at least amongst the many different types that I have had the pleasure to eat, are delicious, something that is complemented by the wide range of sauces and sides available, many of which are free. Amongst the sauces are their hot chilli sauce, one of the finest I've found in a London burger stall, and their own house sauce that I find especially blends well with the stronger flavoured meats on offer.

Now, you may just think that Tucker's is an ordinary burger stall with the gimmick of having African meats, but Tucker's makes an effort to further differentiate itself from its competition. As well as purchasing burgers to eat there and then, exotic steaks, such as Al Paka, and other meats are also on offer to take home and cook yourself. Tucker's also fills that very special niche market of the suicidal glutton as they have their own Man vs Food challenge, consisting of the unfortunate customer/victim throwing enough meat into their mouth to change their blood into slurry and their nationality into American.

As to the cost of the burgers, it is not quite as expensive as one would imagine an exotic burger stall in London to be, as the standard burgers are 5-6 with the specials not ranging much higher than that. While this is a higher price than your average stall, it is worth the cost just so you can enjoy something a bit different from the standard 4 meats you eat day in, day out, as well as feeling safe in the knowledge that the only horse these burgers will contain is striped.
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Why? Food Stall
When: Mon-Fri: 9am-5pm, Sat: 9am-6pm, Sun: 11am-4pm
Phone: 07531948020
Where: Town Centre, Kingston Upon Thames, KT1 1JT
Cost: As priced on menu
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