Good evening students, welcome to the Central Boys Foundation School. Our charming little educational facility in Shoreditch was founded by Reverend William Rogers in 1865. It is a voluntary-aided secondary school for boys, but tonight we are letting young (and not so young) ladies in as well.
My name is Mrs Chastity Butterworth, and I will be your headmistress for the duration of your stay. You may recognise me under another guise, perhaps from the West End or Game of Thrones, but rest assured, tonight, I am Mrs Butterworth.
Let me introduce you to the rest of our staff. Taking your first class at 7pm is French teacher, Marcel Lucont. He is easily the best continental comedian around, having won the 2012 Amused Moose Award and the 2013 FringeWorld Award.
Teaching Home Economics, Natalie Young is the author of How to Eat Your Husband and We All Into the Sunlight. She is also something of a poet.
Your music professor will be Anne Denholm. Don't let her years fool you, she has vast experience, having won numerous prizes in local, national and international music festivals.
And to start off our assembly, may I introduce some alumni students who have gone on to be successful writers, filmmakers, lawyers, office bods, teachers, doctors, and musicians. Calling themselves the Chaps Choir, they have come to give us a special musical performance.
There are many other talented and entertaining teachers, who I am sure will be most stimulating, educational, and provide lots of cultural interest, but right now I am sure you are all hungry from your journey here, and are ready for a good meal.
Our dinner ladies prepare nothing but the most nourishing food and tasty cuisine, also catering for vegetarians. They do not objects to snacking either. For nibbles, there is a selection of stuffed Medjool dates, sweet & salted almonds, and marinated olives with herbs, citrus & chillies. There will be a cold sharing platter of wonderful delicacies such as smoked anchovies, cured pork, cauliflower croquettes and more.
For the mains choose either a beef rump or carrot & walnut Wellington, alongside spinach, mushrooms, smoked aubergine, and chard. To finish it all off, dessert will be a chocolate & blood orange pudding.
I hope you enjoy your evening with us. The School Super Society is a bi-monthly event, and because this is the 15th February, the day after Valentine's, the theme for tonight is love. Student fees are £45 each, £160 for a group of four, or £350 for ten.